Diamonds are a girl's best friend?

Perhaps. More likely, I believe, if you happen to fall into the S.A.T.C. gene pool - remember, there is only a shallow end.

Anyway, on an almost weekly basis, I'm often loudly reminded by TLATO that I'm most definitely not normal and that other men are not like me.

OK, so those statements opened up a few potential cans of worms, but for the record, in (mostly) those instances they come forth as a result of jewellery.

I'll explain. I have this "thing"; perhaps phobia would be more correct, although I think that's way too strong a word for it, about jewellery. This "thing" I've had for years - a fact that many, including the woman formerly known as Mrs. Taylor may attest.

Some of this may well seem odd, somewhat unusual - but to me, it's very real.

I cannot touch jewellery. I abhor the feel. There is an odour to it. I am not comfortable even looking at same.

If TLATO asks me to assist in helping her with putting on a bracelet, I'll grudgingly assist, but my fingers are wrapped in Kleenex. Don’t ask me to hand you earrings - they'll sit on a counter gathering dust forever as I walk on by albeit nonchalantly, but terrified, nonetheless.

I honestly do not recall how I managed to "survive" my wedding day(s). Really.

I do not wear a ring. I do not festoon myself with chains, medallions and the like. I have not worn a wristwatch in years. I do, however, wear a Medic Alert bracelet - don't ask me to touch it, or take it off, though; I believe that a layer of hair prevents the stainless steel from actually coming in direct contact with the skin on my wrist.

I'm not making this up. Ask Sheryl. Like I said, to me it's very real. To Sheryl, it's a constant sore point.

For her birthday this past spring, I presented Sheryl with a Tiffany-style bracelet in the ubiquitous Robin's egg blue box. The purchase was facilitated months beforehand by one of my sisters, Joanne, a.k.a. The Brooklin Bag Lady. At no time did I have to touch the piece.

Over the years I have bought TLATO other pieces of jewellery. I have perfected the point, the head nod and the ultimate credit card swipe – all without having to touch gold, silver, platinum, jewels and the like; Sheryl does not "miss out" on feminine-type baubles, so back off!

Am I nuts? A couple of fries short of a Happy Meal? Without question, I do have my moments. On this matter, I like to believe the jury is still out - and if I have anything to do or say about it, will never have an opportunity to regain entrance to this room to proffer their verdict!