One day at a time...

In the early 1990’s, I stopped smoking. I didn’t quit. I stopped.

For some reason that simple word change helped me through the initial stages of withdrawal from one of the most powerful and addictive drugs in the world, nicotine. Technically, many years later I’ve quit. The idea of smoking is so far removed these days, the very thought of it is quite repugnant. And yes, it’s true – there really is nothing worse than an ex-smoker. I proudly add myself to that growing category

This post, however, has nothing to do with smoking and much to do with another bad habit of mine; shortness and rude and anti-social behaviour toward loved ones. In our house, we refer to it as “bitter tongue”. I am likely one of the world’s worst offenders. It’s not that I actually mean anything by it; it’s me, it’s who I am – unfortunately. Some of you may know that I do not suffer fools gladly; I expect everyone to be on the same “level” as me and understand my drive, my passion. Sadly, for me, this is usually not the case.

Consequently, my verbal abuse can be most hurtful to many and especially to TLATO who through no fault of hers, has been on the receiving end of too many vicious verbal slicing and dicing. Others, too, have experienced this over the years.

I’m sorry.

A week last Tuesday there was a particular episode that brought home the fact that I was being unkind – actually, downright mean. Since then, I have been doing my best to think first and open my mouth later. I’m trying to avoid my normal shoot from the lip approach to life. I have not quit. I’m doing my damnedness to stop.

I was not born this way. Over the years it happened. My reaction would often be automatic, second nature. The result could if you were witness, be considered remotely amusing. Unless you were the recipient. Then it just plain hurt.

Interesting situation in our house now; we created a response in the event I stumbled from the straight and narrow. The safety word was “SNAP!” This was supposed to be a response Sheryl would utter, directed toward me. However, in the past nine going on 10 days, that word has been said by me toward Sheryl more times than she cares to count. For some reason, she has become the “Snap-ee”!! Or is that the Snap-er?

Regardless, a temporary situation we’re sure. Go figure.

I’m doing my best. One day at a time. I’m trying very hard. It’s not easy.